TESCO after hours

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Names and Faces

sometimes i feel rude. why? because i have an extreme difficulty in remembering people's faces or their names. mostly people's names. and i feel horrible when there's someone who knows me and i can't recall their name. it's like the rudest thing ever right? i just dunno why though. maybe it's because i just have this wall around me whenever i first meet a person.

see, i guess it's my insecurities speaking but i always assume that if i won't be meeting this person at a daily basis, the person's not gonna remember me anyway so why should i bother. like, i always think; "tch. as if this person wants to be friends with me." i really have no clue but i often feel this way. like i'm not someone you would want to get closer to so i make the first move and save them the trouble and staying out of the way.

i dunno. i guess i'm pretty pathetic despite my 'i don't give a fuck' general attitude. i'm friends with a lot of pretty people. like srsly pretty people. and most of the time when i'm walking with them, especially when walking past the male specimen, sometimes male college mates, they'll say hi to my friend and yet, as big as i am (i'm like an XXL) they seem to completely ignore my existence. and for a microsecond i just feel like supremely bummed out. kinda hurts for a bit but i figure, it ain't worth it. i'm not gonna be some attention whore and be all up in their face. that'll just be sad. i have my pride, yo.

but even when the guy actually greets me and is super nice, i still figure he won't be paying much attention to me and probably won't even bother remembering me so i'll just forget about him first. i mean, why would he remember me when i have my friend standing right here. it sounds super gross that i think like this, and it seems as if i'm blaming the guys and my friends, but i'm really not. i'm just trying to explain the extent of my self-deprecating tendencies and my deep-rooted insecurities.

thing is, this doesn't just apply to guys. sometimes there'll be some really cool fellow sisters that i'd like to be friends with and then instantly that wall will materialize and a whispering voice would say, "look at how cool she is and look at how lame and non-cool-normal-people you are. why would she be interested to be friends with you?" and then i instantly just shy away. like we'll say hi and talk for a bit, introduce ourselves but then i get really awkward and after we say goodbye, i sign it off as her thinking; "yeah. prolly won't meet you again. sorry." and then that's it. lol.

and that's why i have a hard time remembering names and faces. my super unnecessary super complicated super melodramatic line of thought just instinctively prevents me from letting a name stick. i can remember a face. but i won't remember the name. it gets to a point where i'll say, "i know this person. but who is s/he again?" .............for real.

so i'd just like to say i'm sorry if i've hurt anyone when they know who i am but i don't recall their name. i'm just slow. but once i start to open up and we meet more often, you'd know that i'm a pretty loyal friend. i just take awhile to get to know the little details. first will be the name, and then it's the birthday and then it's your phone number. those are the hardest. teehee. other than that i'll be fine.

um, yeah. a little insider scoop on me, myself and i.

thanks for stoppin by!

p/s: this post has been in drafts for about a couple of months now. finally had enough energy to actually finish writing this entry and publish it. lol. was too lazy. sorry. haha!!XD

assalamualaikum.

thank god + my love for my mom

hello. dropping by to say i'm alive.

just got well from being sick though. three weeks of feeling like shit basically. started with a fever which then elevated into a high fever which then receded into a bad case of the flu and coughing which then went straight back to high fever, severe migraines and vomiting. i ended up in the hospital with a tube stuck up my vein. i felt like a puddle of goo. and pain. if pain could be in the form of a puddle, that's what i was. a puddle of gross, goo-ey pain.

...........but i'm alive and well now. thank god for that.

my stomach's all weird now, though. and my tastebuds too. i think something got fucked up in the midst of all that bacteria and virus infestation in my body. i dunno. i just wanna get betterrrrr~!!!

but basically i'm okay now.

OH! remember my last post? yeah. i survived that. i did get a lecture, but i'm cool. hated my mom for a couple of days for it, but essentially, i'm only as angry at my mom as much as she's angry at me. it's like, "oh, hey she's not pissed at me anymore so i'm not pissed at her either." then she nags at me and i hate her again. basically, the same old same old right?

..........but at the end of the day, I LOVE MY MOM!! mak, i love you, okay? so don't hurt me with your words too much. teehee~

thanks for visiting. assalamualaikum.

there's this thing

see, there's this thing i've been worried about ever since i came home for semester break a week ago. it's a very important thing that i screwed up on a MAJOR scale. actually i'm not worried about it so much as i'm scared about how i would tell my parents about it. more specifically my mother. she would definitely kill me for it. which is why i'm so scared. it's all my own fault anyway, so i should just own up to it and face whatever it is might happen if i told her, but that still doesn't change the fact that i'm scared.

i mean, you get me right? who's not afraid of their mother? yeah. thought so. god, i dunno. i have it planned out already in my head. what i'll do to deal with it. financially, that is. but i have no idea how i'm gonna break it to her.

AAAAARRRGGGHHH~!!!!

we'll just have to wait and see. in a week i'll find out just how bad the situation is and how i'll have to say it to her.

see you soon! (if i live to tell you about it. TT^TT)

assalamualaikum.

i feel sad now.

i just read this over at allkpop.

Heechul visited Kangin at the army.

누구보다 내편이 돼주고 “형아 형아” 애교만점인 영춘이ㅋ “그냥 웃고 즐기며 살고싶어~ 요즘들어 아무도 없고 기댈곳이 없다” 란 내말에 연신 “미안 형아.. 미안해 진짜..” 거리는 겸디영춘. 내새끼임ㅋ

translation:

More than anyone else who's always on my side, master of aegyo, YoungChoon. I said to him, “I just want to laugh and enjoy my life~ Lately, there’s nobody around and nobody to lean on.” He responded by saying, “I'm sorry hyung-ah.. i'm truly sorry…” He's my little boy.

cr: GhostWriter@allkpop

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i actually teared up a bit reading that. i mean, as if it's not enough that i miss the guy so much, the way he apologized to heechul like that. aigoo~ breaks my heart. TT^TT

i feel sad for heechul too. i mean, hankyung and kangin were the go-to-buddies if he needed someone to talk to or someone to drink with. these three were the closest to each other than any other members in the group. he took it the hardest when these two left. aishhh~ sad feeling this one. very sad.

anyways, i sure do hope that when he comes back from the military duty, people will accept him with much forgiveness.

that's all. thanks for dropping by.

assalamualaikum.