[RANT] yeah, okay. BULLSHIT.

so i got into an accident about a week ago. so i actually hit someone's car. so it was actually definitely my fault.

BUT IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

ACCIDENT.

ACCIDENT.

ACCIDENT!!!!

no one knows what happened except for me. i was driving alone. so none of y'all bitches be actin like you was there. mmkay??? it's starting to piss me off now. last week it was okay to get pissed at me because, yes, it was my fault, my mistake. but this week, it's about time to get the fuck over it. people make mistakes. and it was a mistake.

i wasn't even driving recklessly. in fact, i was actually driving better than usual. the radio was off and i looked left and right three times and it STILL happened. so fuck it. and fuck all of you. don't think you drive better than me because you're really no better.

and today was the last straw. "people don't want the same thing to happen again." oh yeah buddy??? you're trying to stop it from happening again? yeah, okay. BULLSHIT. you don't even know what happened in the first place so stop tryna act like you know, yo. always acting like you're better than me. well why don't we all just toss my licence into a shredder then? just not let me drive. period.

it pisses me off not because i can't admit that you're a better driver. it pisses me off because NONE of them even bother to try to see me drive without getting all anal. i don't even have the chance to prove to you that i drive perfectly fine!

i've never had a summon, i've never had to be dragged to the police station because i let someone else drive the car and they hit another person's car and i've only took the car to go to an art event in KL without permission once. but when i do it, you blow off your lid and when he does it, he gets jack shit. yeah. totally fair right? uh-huh. NOT.

all this doesn't even cover the fact that he ALWAYS uses the car. and i have to stay home like some bitch. every day he's free, he uses the car to go here and there with his friends. but when i go out with my friends, he starts yappin and bein all asshole with me. oh, i need the car for important things.... blah blah blah. yeah? fuck you. and then you go behind my back and call me selfish? right. #coolstorybro

*deep breath*

basically, y'all need to shut the fuck up right about now. i know what i did and i'd never let myself do it again. so get down from your towering stallion and give me a fucking break and stop bein the backseat driver. SERIOUSLY.

-end.

TESCO after hours

[coming soon]

Names and Faces

sometimes i feel rude. why? because i have an extreme difficulty in remembering people's faces or their names. mostly people's names. and i feel horrible when there's someone who knows me and i can't recall their name. it's like the rudest thing ever right? i just dunno why though. maybe it's because i just have this wall around me whenever i first meet a person.

see, i guess it's my insecurities speaking but i always assume that if i won't be meeting this person at a daily basis, the person's not gonna remember me anyway so why should i bother. like, i always think; "tch. as if this person wants to be friends with me." i really have no clue but i often feel this way. like i'm not someone you would want to get closer to so i make the first move and save them the trouble and staying out of the way.

i dunno. i guess i'm pretty pathetic despite my 'i don't give a fuck' general attitude. i'm friends with a lot of pretty people. like srsly pretty people. and most of the time when i'm walking with them, especially when walking past the male specimen, sometimes male college mates, they'll say hi to my friend and yet, as big as i am (i'm like an XXL) they seem to completely ignore my existence. and for a microsecond i just feel like supremely bummed out. kinda hurts for a bit but i figure, it ain't worth it. i'm not gonna be some attention whore and be all up in their face. that'll just be sad. i have my pride, yo.

but even when the guy actually greets me and is super nice, i still figure he won't be paying much attention to me and probably won't even bother remembering me so i'll just forget about him first. i mean, why would he remember me when i have my friend standing right here. it sounds super gross that i think like this, and it seems as if i'm blaming the guys and my friends, but i'm really not. i'm just trying to explain the extent of my self-deprecating tendencies and my deep-rooted insecurities.

thing is, this doesn't just apply to guys. sometimes there'll be some really cool fellow sisters that i'd like to be friends with and then instantly that wall will materialize and a whispering voice would say, "look at how cool she is and look at how lame and non-cool-normal-people you are. why would she be interested to be friends with you?" and then i instantly just shy away. like we'll say hi and talk for a bit, introduce ourselves but then i get really awkward and after we say goodbye, i sign it off as her thinking; "yeah. prolly won't meet you again. sorry." and then that's it. lol.

and that's why i have a hard time remembering names and faces. my super unnecessary super complicated super melodramatic line of thought just instinctively prevents me from letting a name stick. i can remember a face. but i won't remember the name. it gets to a point where i'll say, "i know this person. but who is s/he again?" .............for real.

so i'd just like to say i'm sorry if i've hurt anyone when they know who i am but i don't recall their name. i'm just slow. but once i start to open up and we meet more often, you'd know that i'm a pretty loyal friend. i just take awhile to get to know the little details. first will be the name, and then it's the birthday and then it's your phone number. those are the hardest. teehee. other than that i'll be fine.

um, yeah. a little insider scoop on me, myself and i.

thanks for stoppin by!

p/s: this post has been in drafts for about a couple of months now. finally had enough energy to actually finish writing this entry and publish it. lol. was too lazy. sorry. haha!!XD

assalamualaikum.

thank god + my love for my mom

hello. dropping by to say i'm alive.

just got well from being sick though. three weeks of feeling like shit basically. started with a fever which then elevated into a high fever which then receded into a bad case of the flu and coughing which then went straight back to high fever, severe migraines and vomiting. i ended up in the hospital with a tube stuck up my vein. i felt like a puddle of goo. and pain. if pain could be in the form of a puddle, that's what i was. a puddle of gross, goo-ey pain.

...........but i'm alive and well now. thank god for that.

my stomach's all weird now, though. and my tastebuds too. i think something got fucked up in the midst of all that bacteria and virus infestation in my body. i dunno. i just wanna get betterrrrr~!!!

but basically i'm okay now.

OH! remember my last post? yeah. i survived that. i did get a lecture, but i'm cool. hated my mom for a couple of days for it, but essentially, i'm only as angry at my mom as much as she's angry at me. it's like, "oh, hey she's not pissed at me anymore so i'm not pissed at her either." then she nags at me and i hate her again. basically, the same old same old right?

..........but at the end of the day, I LOVE MY MOM!! mak, i love you, okay? so don't hurt me with your words too much. teehee~

thanks for visiting. assalamualaikum.